Regrets
by MacKenzie Rabb
Summary: Post- "Mr. Rabb Goes To Washington/People v Mac" Mac feels like she owes Harm some kind of explaination.


Title: Regrets  
Author: MacKenzie Rabb  
E-mail: dana_mulder32@yahoo.com  
Classification: Post- "Mr Rabb Goes to Washington/People v. Mac"  
Rating: G  
Disclaimer: I do not own anything having to do with JAG or the  
characters. It all belongs to Donald Belisario, Paramount, and CBS.   
No infringement is intended.  
Spoilers: "Mr Rabb Goes to Washington/People v. Mac" (of course!)  
Author's notes: I really thought that Mac had some explaining to do,   
especially after just calling Harm up after her husband was killed.   
Otherwise, completely her business if she didn't want to tell him.   
I've tried my best to fill in the blanks of Mac's early years, especially   
considering the writers on the show have never given us anywhere   
near adequate personal background on any of the main characters.   
I think we need to write Mr. Belisario about that! So I hope I came up   
with something okay from the info I gathered from these two eps, and   
"Second Sight". Enough of my babbling, on with the show!  
  
******  
It was ten o' clock on a Friday night, but Mac couldn't stay at home   
any longer. She drove over to Harm's apartment, and found herself   
knocking on his door.  
  
He opened it almost immediately. "Mac, is something wrong? Come   
on in," he said, concerned.  
  
"Everything's okay, Harm. I just feel like I need to explain a few things.   
I need someone to talk to."  
  
"Mac, you know you don't have to."  
  
"I know that, but I *need* to, so just let me talk, okay?"  
  
"All right, let's go sit down in the living room though." He led her to   
the couch. "Have a seat."  
  
She sat down in one corner, and he sat in the middle. "Go ahead,"   
he encouraged.  
  
Mac took a deep breath. "I'm sorry I never told you about Chris. I just   
never expected anything like this to happen. I hadn't seen him for so long,   
I was sure I'd never see him again. I know I wish I hadn't."  
  
"You could've said something, Mac."  
  
"I know, but I guess I just never thought about it. Well, that's obvious,   
considering we were still legally married," she sighed, and ran a hand   
through her hair.  
  
"Why didn't you get a divorce?" Harm asked.  
  
"That's a good question, isn't it?" she said, with a humorless little laugh.   
"I honestly don't know. That's the stupidest thing I've ever *not* done. I   
guess I just never wanted to go through the process, didn't care enough,   
I just don't know. Have you ever noticed how stupid I am?"  
  
"Mac, you're not stupid. Maybe a little misguided when you were younger,   
but don't ever let me hear you say you're stupid again. Everybody makes   
mistakes."  
  
She managed a faint smile. "I know. I just seem to make more mistakes   
than everyone else put together. When Chris and I got together, I was   
just so young, and... I don't know, confused? Not anywhere near responsible   
enough to be married. I was seventeen, for God's sake! But we ran off and   
eloped anyway. Like my father cared," she said, studying her hands. She   
looked up at Harm. "I was smashed ninety-nine percent of the time, so  
everything from that time is pretty blurry. I guess I really loved him then,   
or maybe I had no idea what love was. He was handsome, adventurous,   
and I was looking for a way out of my home life. Turned out neither one   
was much of a life at all. So, after a couple of years, I left him, and joined   
the Marines.   
  
"I tried to clean up my life, and succeeded for the most part. Then I got   
involved with John Farrow, and Chris came after me, and things were a   
mess again. Chris got arrested not long after that, and I tried desperately   
to move past that part of my life. I forgot about him, so I just assumed he   
had forgotten about me too."  
  
"But he didn't, Mac. You didn't ever think he'd come back for you?   
Especially since you had made no effort towards a divorce? Anyway,   
I imagine you'd be a pretty hard woman to forget."  
  
Mac looked away. "Unfortunately, I guess I was for him. When he showed   
up here... God, I didn't know what to do." She sighed. "I didn't know anything   
to do, but pay him off to leave. And he still didn't go."  
  
"You could've come to me. You know that, don't you?"  
  
"I know. But I thought I could handle him. I was sure I could. But there was   
something wrong with him, Harm. I knew it eventually. He was crazy,   
psychotic, maybe even just desperate. Whatever it was, I could see it in   
his eyes. He threatened me before the night he died. He had a knife when   
he was at my apartment, and what he said wasn't much different from   
what he told me before he died. That he wouldn't ever let me go while   
he was still alive."  
  
"I doubt that was only a threat, Mac. I know you wish that gun hadn't gone  
off, but it may have been the best thing in the long run for your safety."  
  
"Maybe, but I don't wish death on anybody."  
  
"Neither do I, but if he was really intent on hurting you, he would've   
succeeded sooner or later. It was better him than you. He must've had   
a mental instability in some part, as you implied, but we won't ever know   
now. Whatever was going on, he can't hurt you anymore."  
  
Harm reached over and covered her hand with his.  
  
"Next time you're in trouble, Mac, tell me, okay? What are friends for?   
If you let me help you, I won't have to defend you in court again. I'm not   
saying you can't take care of yourself. I'm just saying don't be too proud   
to ask for help if something gets to be too much. I don't want anything to   
bad to happen to you. You can understand that, right?"  
  
"You could take your own advice sometimes, Commander."  
  
He gave her a look that said she'd better agree.  
  
"Yes, Harm, I understand. And I'll take you up on that, should I ever need to."  
  
He gave her one of his "yeah right" looks.  
  
She smiled. "I mean it. Really."  
  
"Okay. I've never known a Marine to go back on her word.  
  
Mac squeezed his hand and let go of it. "I better get going. Sorry I bothered   
you so late. I just wasn't looking forward to the sleepless night, being alone,   
stuff like that. Thanks for letting me in," she laughed, standing up.  
  
"It was no bother. Any time, Mac. You know that."  
  
She hugged him, and sighed against him. "I know, Harm. Thanks for always   
being there for me," she said, stepping back. "See you Monday?"  
  
Harm smiled. "Of course."  
  
Harm walked her to the door.  
  
"Bye, Harm," she said, her hand on the doorknob.  
  
"Uh, Mac?" he said as she was about to leave.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
He shrugged. "If you wanted to stay here tonight, rather than go home to an   
empty apartment, you could have the bed, and I could sleep on the couch. If   
you want," he said again.  
  
Mac looked down. "Well..." she said, looking at the doorknob. She looked back   
up at him. "I guess I'm going to have to take you up on that," she said, smiling.  
  
  
THE END 


End file.
